You Are The First Person to Hear This Story.

This morning my weird little dog jumped on my lap when I was going to the bathroom.

I was so tired and blurry eyed that I could not concentrate on peeing and then suddenly, he was on my lap, trying to curl up and go back to sleep.

It looks like I'm not the only one who sleep walks.

I've been wanting to tell you a story about Mondo but I needed some real distance between the event and my sharing of said event. No one knows this story and I feel a little cathartic in sharing it with you.

Please promise me, before you read this, that you won't hate Mondo. He is really a sensitive little asshole and I don't want you to hate him.

I like to take Mondo to the park in the morning before work. It makes me feel better about leaving him home alone all day if I can take him for a walk. I've been working with him on fetching. I was able to find a Chuck-it meant to hold small tennis balls since Mondo can't carry a regular sized ball very far.

Mondo likes to bark at people when he is off-leash. He runs up to them as soon as he sees them and stands about a foot away, barking his fool head off and no amount of yelling can stop him from doing so.

He is a tiny little dictator.

We generally arrive at the park around 8am when there is no one about, another reason for going so early. I let him off the leash and we play fetch for about fifteen minutes and then he runs to the fence of a nearby house and visits his friend Lola. Then he does his bathroom business and we go home.

Occasionally, we contend with people sleeping in the park. But at that time, park dwellers are usually still sleeping in the grass and Mondo pays them no mind when they are horizontal.

It was the day after a week stretch of miserably hot days. It was about 8:15am. I threw the ball for Mondo a couple of times. He ran about like a good boy, doing his tricks and sort of chasing the crows that dot the baseball field at that time of day.

I threw the ball again for Mondo and he ran towards it to retrieve. I watched him frolicking and it was at that moment that I saw something that I immediately knew would ruin my day.

There in the distance, coming at us at a pretty fast pace, was a little boy.

He was on one of those little wooden balance bikes that seem to be all the rage with toddlers these days.

As I watched him approaching, it was like a little bomb exploded in my head and before I could say "Mondo come!" he had already dropped his designer tennis ball and ran towards the boy.

Barking his fool head off.

The boy immediately begins pumping his legs harder and harder and going faster and faster.

Mondo gives chase.

I chase Mondo.

And behind me is the boy's mother.

"Stop! Quiet! Mondo! Quiet! Stop!" I am yelling.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the boy is screaming.

"Bark, Bark, Bark!" Mondo is relentless in his pursuit.

"Spencer, stop! Spencer stop!" The mom yells.

Spencer, mind you, is losing his shit. He is crying and screaming and run/riding so fast. I'm sure he is also peeing himself he is so scared.

And then.

The chase comes to an end.

Because poor little Spencer falls off his bike onto the paved path. He picks himself up. And then immediately runs screaming in the opposite direction, back towards us.

And little Mondo follows closely behind.

Barking.

At the same time that Spencer reaches his Mom, I get to Mondo and leash him up.

I am a fascinating combination of embarrassed, enraged, and energized.

I approach the woman, apologizing profusely. I'm so shaken I can't even look at Mondo.

The women brushes it off, very nicely, saying Spencer knows not to run from dogs.

I say, "I'm so sorry. I only let him off leash when no one is here and we haven't seen another person at the park in weeks."

She again brushes off my apology and so does Spencer. No big deal. In fact, now that Mondo is standing there staring at Spencer in contrition, Spencer is waging an internal war to keep himself from reaching out and petting Mondo. Spencer bends down to Mondo's level and then thinks better of it and stands back up.

He either wanted to pet him or say "Fuck you."

I take a leashed Mondo home, nursing my pride and trying not to yell.

Since that day, I have yet to let Mondo off leash at the park. He obviously needs some training (I'm saving my pennies for dog classes).

For a few days after, I woke every morning remembering the scene, feeling sick to my stomach.

Mondo is still on his chain gang in the mornings. We've yet to see Spencer or his Mom again.

I felt pretty terrible about the entire thing until I was introduced to Dogshaming.

Dogshaming brought me back from the brink of a nervous breakdown.

The premise of the blog is to to send in a picture of your dog next to a sign or note confessing the shameful thing the dog did.

As seen on Dogshaming 9/1/2012

Page after page of this blog shows the terrible behavior of some pretty adorable pets. The things they chew up, the babies and humans the dogs are mean to, and the places they poop. The underwear and shoes they eat.

I even submitted Mondo and he was featured.

To date, he has 44,000 shares on Facebook and more than 200 shares on Tumblr.

And, my personal favorite, a comment.

 musici reblogged this from dogshaming and added:

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T LEAVE YOUR DOG IN THE CAR YOU DUMBFUCK

I would like my tombstone to read "Maybe You Shouldn't Leave Your Dog in the Car You Dumbfuck."

So thank you to Dogshaming for making me feel marginally better about my terrible dog.

I have to go now. He just tried to pee on Seeley.